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Saturday, 15 June 2013

Getting chased by a FRICKIN DEER!!!! (at least it had no horns)

OhMyGod... I just got chased by A FRICKIN DEER!!!! So scary.  SO SCARY!!!!

I always thought they were quite passive creatures... but no. Let me tell you they are most defiantly not.

So here's the story....

I was walking my dog in Richmond park (London) and there were 2 deer in laying down right next to the path in front of me... I didn't want to disturb them so I walked out of my way; over a log and a ditch in order to keep the peace with nature....

But then, my idiot dog (her name is Zuza and shes a beagle) just ran towards them blindly following their scent that she'd caught in the wind.
She is a slave to her nose, and by the time i'd caught her attention and she had regretfully slowed to a stand still and started loluping back to me, she had already disturbed the 2 lovely deer who were now running terrified into the distance.

We carry on and after a bit of time on the lead as a punishment i decided she had redeemed herself...so I let her off.

In a bit, I pass another deer. I feel a bit sorry for it because it has been banished to the outskirts of the heard. But as I pass it looks at me with a look of pure hatred and stamps its foot. I don't feel sorry for it anymore - it deserves its place in social exclusion. I hurry past.

Wearily, I call Zuza to pass the socially awkward deer. But stupidly, she runs up to it. Again, victim of her nose. The deer looks at her as if she is fungi, but this time, instead of calling her I think, ''actually, let it teach her a lesson. Once she gets close it will probably stamp its foot like it did with me, then she'll run away scared and wont be such a nightmare next time''. Logical. But nope, not what happened... Instead, the deer started to chase her around, in a circle. And it was bloody fast!!! It started chasing her away from me, and I panicked!! I was thinking ''Holy shit.. I'm gonna loose the dog. The deer is going to KILL my dog. I want my dog back NOW!!''.It really did look like she was going to be caught as she desperately try to make her way back in my direction crying out!! There was not much I could do accept try to give her verbal support, such as ''RUN ZUZA! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! RUN FASTER!!''.

She finally managed to turn in my direction... I felt a wave of relief before I properly realized.... She was now running in my direction...  The deer was still running after her... The deer was now running FAST in my direction .. the ANGRY deer that hates me was now getting closer and closer to me on this deserted plain of land... and there was no one around to save us!! ''CRAP'' I thought. I screamed ''RUN ZUZA, RUN!!''and turned, and RAN.

After a few seconds Zuza caught up with me... obviously thinking that she was safe now and I could somehow save her from the on coming deer... she slowed down exhausted in front of my feet. I risked a glance over my shoulder. The deer was STILL COMING and the distance between us was closing rapidly!! Not only that.... but it turns out that the socially excluded deer HAD some friends and they were now coming over to join in the chase!! Plus now, Zuza was getting in the way of my feet and tripping me.

I regretted called her and was completely panicking!! Luckily no one was around because I started yelling ''FUCK OFF ZUZA!! JUST FUCK OFF!!!'' which may have been a slight over reaction and a waste of much needed energy at this point - but i was terrified that the angry deer was going to attack me and trample over me!! And i've been trampled on by a horse before and been SERIOUSLY lucky.. so I thought ''your beginners trampler luck is not here to save you now'' and other irrational thoughts like that....

I jumped across a stream, relaxed for a split second before realizing that deer can probably jump better than I can and carried on running and yelling at my dog like a crazy...

If anyone had been in hearing distance they would have been seriously freaked out!! However if anyone HAD been in hearing distance, it would have been helping distance! And I probably wouldn't have displayed such behavior...

Anyway, I finally got far enough away from the angry, not so socially excluded deer and his mates that they decided to give up the chase. Thank GOD! They slowed to a trot and then watched me sprint away into the distance...

My throat horse, my lungs heaving, hot and shaky under so many layers; I put my IDIOT dog onto  the shortest lead possible and looked towards the exit, which thank god was close now!! But, to my HORROR, between me and the safe PAVEMENT of London stood a huge herd of deer... with antlers.

I had to add on an extra 20 minuets onto the walk just to walk in the opposite direction to get to a bridge to I could walk on the other side of the river to the herd (which they could probably jump if they were as angry as the other one). But I made it to the gate!! And I'm still alive and well to write this blog!!

Thank god I don't live in the countryside!!!!! :D



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